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42. Bitch of a Week but...

Image by Public Domain Pictures -


the last 24 hours have made up for it...



Even so, you've gotta look after yourself.


You've gotta make sure you ain't runnin' on fumes.


And I've been runnin' on fumes.


I've been getting to the end of the line with it. I refuse a to-do list. And I refuse to do too much. Sure, I'm in resistance here, but only I can break the chains around the bear's neck, and I'm the bear.



Are You Useful, Lebowski?


I'm too useful. This means that people want to use me a lot. And I'm done with it. I failed here, dudes. I marked it zero.


Life seems to not be done with me. It sends stacks of shit my way. Well fuck it. Send your shit to another part of the planet. I will let it pile up and it can go fuck itself until I'm ready to do it in my own sweet time.


I'm going to be fucking useless. Undependable. A deadbeat waster - but for my kids.


So, last night. Spent some time with my special lady. The girl who can't live with a man. The girl who took my daughter away. The woman that I love but should it be this tricky?


So much patience, time, and love is needed with patchwork families.


Sounds tiring, right?


So, we had some wine, I listened to her unloading, it's got to be done. It's a league game and it's got rules.


And actually, I was deeply chilled and enjoyed it.


We got down to business, and eventually, I woke to the sound of my daughter's delight that I was there. We had some fun together, then I went home to get on with work.



Here's what followed:


3 hours work

Did a load of washing and hung it to dry

Unloaded the dishwasher to get rid of the stack that's built up

Cleared the rain gutters on the roof

Cut the trees away that had been roughing up my house

Chopped wood

Made a fire

Made something to eat for me and my daughter.

Ate it.

Picked up my daughter and took care of her for 3.5 hours

Dropped her back off.


Had a great time but I needed me time. It's been like this for months. If I didn't need to breathe, life would fill that time with some extra shit for sure.


How the good lady does it, I don't know. Some things are easier for sure with not working, but some are not.


So, I drove to a petrol station. Got three bars of chocolate. Looked for a movie.


Though I had another two hours of work to do.


Balls to that.


I can't run myself into the ground, man. It can wait. And if no one likes it, well fuck 'em.


So, I couldn't find a movie, and I blasted through three bars of chocolate faster than a dog can shit itself after lapping up a Vindaloo.


And I didn't enjoy it. I needed a different kick.


Thought I'd give the new Indiana Jones movie a try.


Remembered I had some new spreads in the fridge and crackers. And just enough wine for a glass.


Tremendous.


It was like spreading amber nectar on the finest crackers ever made. I drank wine like it was blood from the holy grail. I watched Harrison Ford doing his Dudeness.


And it was top drawer.


Life felt like it couldn't get better. I was throwing rocks.


Tuesday nights - now my nights. No kids. Movies, wine, spreads on crackers. And no fucker gets in the way unless it's life or death. This wine, sure I'll live to 140.



The take home?


Don't wait for someone else to appreciate you, to reward you, to help you, to understand you, to give a flying fuck about you. Do it yourself. Look after yourself like you are royalty. Don't mug yourself dancing to someone else's tune all the time. Make a plan. Just a small one. Sure, plans sound undude, but don't roll out naked. Check yourself in for some mighty pleasure.


And make it a weekly thing. Grab some you time - only you. Just take it. Balls to everyone else. If you are a lone parent, then treat yourself when the kids sleep or are at school. But make it a non-guilt trip treat and do it often. Not too much, so it feels like a treat still.


You'll be a better Dude to be around.


Life can be tough. So make sure that you are not the chains holding you back from some mellow goodness.


You know, two fine sandwich spreads, some crackers, a glass of wine, and a movie - that ain't costing the earth and I felt chipper. I can easily splash out a couple of hundred to help kids that aren't my own but do I need a reason to spend 20 on myself? And when you give it away it doesn't come back, Dudes, believe. Not often, anyway. I appreciate when it does, and I ain't dissing my lady as she's good. But do it dudes.


Treat yourself.


Back to the movie.

 

Rev. Thomo



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