Do you want it? Do I want it? Yes, no. No, yes.
A while ago, I wrote a blog post called Sensing the Fine Art of Being Gypped it discussed what appeared to be financial synchronicity but wasn't. I got contacted by a business that wanted my free help mentoring a group of their clients. In return, I would get exposure to lots of potential new clients. It could have been quite lucrative at a time when I needed money.
But more and more, I felt an unease with it.
I asked one of my customers about them and they warned me about their greedhead mentality. So, I backed out.
Interestingly, that same customer is about to present for them at one of their large annual events, and another previous client has taken on the role I was asked to do.
I'm glad I said, no. Looking at the advertising for the event shows me that I would stick out like a sore thumb. Everyone suited and booted. Girls look like Greek goddesses. Everything black, and gold, rows of white teeth selling dreams to book seats. And I look only a few degrees away from a street bum.
So, here's the thing...
At the time of the initial contact, I was having these fantasies of being able to afford to repair my chimney and make right some of the walls of the cottage. Save some money for my kids, and so on.
Hardly dreams of world domination but I still felt myself dazzled by the glitter of it all.
And last week, I had a similar email. A bolt out of the blue. If it had landed in my junk folder I wouldn't have looked at it but there was a software company with over a million users, wanting me to add my courses to their website in return for nothing more than including a little bit of information about their software within my course content - and if someone got interested and ordered I'd be paid a commission.
So, we had a meeting. They've done everything they promised and were very laid back. They liked my vibe and simply wanted to offer their clients proper training if they required it. I offered them cash for each course I sold but they turned that down.
I need to tweak my course content a little to fit what they do but that is to be expected, and I was planning to do this anyway.
And I got out of bed today ready to crack on with it, but...
I'm writing this instead.
Here is where my heart lies.
Yes, I spent several hours working through one of my courses yesterday evening but to jump out of bed with the following thoughts - I had to catch myself...
I had the following thoughts:
Get it done quickly before they have chance to back out - there's an anxiety, right (from my sales background - strike while the iron is hot, and so on)
It might allow me to put a decent amount of savings into my kids' accounts - another anxiety (because I don't want them struggling in a country that rapes people of their cash. I want to know that when I am gone, they at least have a roof over their heads)
Keep up the momentum, get it finished this week, and see if I can bring in some extra cash - but you know, if the house collapses, if the chimney falls apart, if the shit of life hits the fan of fuckedness, well I did my best - ah fuck doing your best, that's not what this is about
So, I'm chilling. It's the weekend.
It came to me by chance. So, if I react from my calm center I won't mess things up. It will just go. And if I mess it up, well I mess it up. I'm no worse off. And while I would like to make my kids' lives easier, and while I would like to repair my house so it is not so ramshackle, and maybe I could do with a better car to slide up the Autobahn to England sometimes - I don't "need" any of that stuff.
So, fuck it.
I will get around to it when I get around to it. I don't roll on the Shabbos.
I created these courses to help regular people. Single mum's hoping for a better life. Parents stuck with debt. People in desperate work situations who have no way out. Because I have been like this. And it's not nice.
I'm not a greedhead.
And I'm not going to begin acting like one at the first sign of something glittery and shiny coming my way.
If it does, it does. If it doesn't, it doesn't.
Stay real, dudes.
Rev. Thomo
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