...when life's trying to rock you, kick back.
It's easy to get lost in the chaos of life.
For example, this morning, I am meant to be working. I have reduced my working hours to an ultra-low level yet I'm still busy. All that seems to have happened by making myself more available for my children is that people (my exes) seem to feel they don't need to be so organised any longer - it's alright, Thomo won't mind. He's laidback. He's flexible.
So, I got done with the main things. My ex forgot, or I don't know, just did it anyway... she made a doctor's appointment for her 18-year-old daughter and didn't want my daughter to have to be bored shitless and be difficult to take care of. But she did it during my working hours.
I didn't want my daughter to have to go through this either - so here's the rub.
We have this spreadsheet - I know - but it is there so that we don't double-book stuff. I have clients who can book a Zoom call with me on a Calendly link during the mornings so I can care for my kids in the afternoons. I have work that gets recorded on a website, so people can see when I am doing things, or not. Both my exes need to be at places and that's life. But when something slips through it fucks stuff up and I'm the one covering the fuck-up space.
The mornings have coloured cells on the spreadsheet with something like "please do not book things at these times unless they are an emergency."
Yet, here, we have something that was booked, that wasn't part of the calendar and I got told about it the night before.
Easy to lose sight of ease.
So, I grab 10 minutes to write this while my daughter plays with some paint. It hits me like this and if I don't do it right away, I lose it.
So, my ex forgot some stuff for my daughter, and then I got messages from my other ex saying that she had forgotten a few things for my son "I am really sorry but you are going to have to do it."
I'd already got it covered thankfully. But it highlights some things...
When you are flexible, people can use that against you.
When you are free and easy people might take advantage of it
When you are organised it sometimes lets others off the hook so they can get away without being organised and you end up with shit to do
So, if the great Silence and Stillness is overlooked what can remind you to be at ease?
I was in Glastonbury last year with my boy. We found these fun rings that change colour to suit your mood. I don't know what's going on but I guess it has to do with warmth and blood flow. I'm not a jewelry-wearing man, however, it made me think of a good idea...
I put the ring on now as seeing it gave me the idea for this blog post. I call it the ring of mellowness. Wearing it reminds me to remain calm, to react through dude-jitsu's answer to tension, and to keep my mind limber.
So, now, I go play with my daughter before we go to get my son from school. What happens after that, I don't know.
And that's good.
Life turns me left or right as it sees fit. Until I arrive at that point, I don't know which way I am going. Flowing along like a hobo.
The take-home here is if you are struggling to abide, to listen to your limber mind, and to take it easy, something like a ring, a necklace, a gemstone in your pocket, or similar will help return your thinking to calm Dudeness. It is a bell of mindfulness.
Remember your To-Dude List dudes. Make sure there's something on it today that is just for your dude-self... relaxing with a beer, relaxing on a bench, staring at clouds - that kind of aimless stuff.
Rev. Thomo
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